The Shelf

I can balance a water bottle on my belly- and it's not hard to do. How depressing. I've gained an unspeakable amount of weight and I can't see anything below my outrageously large "baby bump". Bump? What? More like a mountain range. It's comparable to one of those large tumors that grow off those peoples faces. You know, the kind that stirs pity and some ingrown yearning inside you that wants to somehow help raise money for a medical procedure. Yes, I get those looks. With my other two, I always got comments like, "Wow, you look MAYBE 6 months pregnant.", or "I would never have guessed you were full-term!" Now, it's the "tumor" look with a sigh, followed by a "Hon, how much longer do you have? You poor thing. You look like you're just about to burst!" Yeah, thanks. Oh, and by the way, just because the belly sticks out into the neighbors yard does NOT give you the right to rub, touch, pat, or talk to the belly. I grew it, so HANDS OFF! Can you tell I am just about finished with this whole "blessed event"? I honestly pray every night for my water to break. Any sign of a contraction or some unexplainable pain brings tears of joy. This is how God planned it, you know. To make it so unbearable at the end that the woman will go through any kind of pain to be done!