How lucky am I!

Mike has pep band tonight for basketball. Since he's gone most of the day, he spends time with the kids getting them to bed. When he's gone or busy I get to. Anna and Tyson have graduated to showers (which is so great) and Bray takes his bath. It's getting easier and more fun as they get older.

Tonight, I was able to have a moment to slow down and take in these wonderful kids I have been blessed to have. I put the boys to bed and helped Bray say his prayer. He doesn't really 'say" anything, but he bows his head and listens, then says "Amen" at the end. Then Ty said his prayer. When I tucked Anna in, I forgot to remind her about prayers and she said "Mom, what about my prayer?". I was so glad she always knows what to do. She prays for each person in our family and it touches me. Then, as I passed the boys room, I hear this "mamma, mamma, mamma, mamma.." from Bray that goes on forever. I stopped in and Tyson started telling me all about what he's learning about in school. He loves every subject, but right now he's catching on to history and he's so proud of the books he's reading. He told me about Paul Revere and the Boston Tea Party and the "red shirts" (coats). I loved it. When I walked out again, Bray started saying my name and started getting sad. I normally just tell him I love him and walk downstairs- he never falls asleep if I'm in the room- he just wants to play. But, tonight, I sat in there with him. He touched all my face a billion times over saying nose, eyes, etc. and I pushed my face against his. In the meantime, my big boy fell asleep and all just seemed very peaceful. I left Bray after about 20 min. and he fell asleep really quickly. So peaceful and so sweet. All three of them are a gift from God.

I am the floor parent at our house. I play airplane, Ring Around the Rosie, tickle, etc at night when we are all together. It makes all the jobs and stress go away and the truest, most beautiful part of life show. When we went on a kid date on Saturday, Mike took the boys to a movie and I took Anna ice skating for the first time. What a blast! We all had so much fun. These little dates, little games, small activities, walks to the park, and all of the other small things create big miracles in our family. It's not like things are always perfect, and I know I complain at times, but I really shouldn't. I have the best little boys and the best little girl in the world.

My heart is very full right now. The guilt I feel for leaving my kids and working will never go away- it's the hardest conflict in my life. It's necessary at this point and I feel like God is blessing us in other ways and it's a blessing in itself to have children that adapt and adjust and are able to love and follow the direction of others. I also feel blessed to have such great friends. We just are able to support each other and step in to help. I feel like those friends have done a lot for me the past few months realizing that I struggle and picking up my slack at times when I can't.

I can't say enough about Mike though. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Our lives are busy- full of jobs, activities, church assignments, and any other number of things. When we have a free night or any free time at all, we are together- not because we have to be but because it's the only place we want to be. We are like one in our mind set, goals, love of life, and beliefs. I love him more then I will ever be able to express in words.

I feel like a very blessed person and though at times in my life, recent times in fact, I have had spiritual struggles, I know God lives and that it is only because of Him that I am able to have these things. Alone, I am totally unworthy of it.